Friday, 9 May 2008

Meet Fletcher, your new roommate...

You're going to jail. No really. And you don't even know it.

And all cause of that bit of porn you've got on your pc or behind the copy of the Indiana Jones trilogy.

Surely not, you say? well, yes actually. and don't call me Shirley.

Explanations: Have you heard of the Criminal Justice and Immigration Bill? No? Well, bad luck because it's now an act. And it's not surprising you're clueless because it's received naff-all media coverage, for some reason.

It's clauses 62-65 you want to look at. Or 63-66 once they've finished dicking about with it. It's all about extreme pornography, necrophilia, rape etc, which on first listen sounds justified as those things are bad, right? well have a look here...

You'll be excused for scratching your head as it's all a tad confusing. You're joe bloggs who talks normal, innit. Words of more than three syllables are effort and enunciation is probably an Aztec city. If you get the jist, you're probably thinking ..."this affects me, don't it?". Well, probably, you and at least 10 million British adults.

The history: Some bloke whose name doesn't deserve to be mentioned again killed a teacher 5 years back. He was a nutcase, like many in history. Except he liked necrophilia and asphyxia sites. So obviously, those inspired him. As a result, our wonderful Labour, government....decided to effectively outlaw those sites and the images within, in the process chucking the owner of the image in the slammer for 3 years and signing the sex offender's register. Understandable with certain sexual interests, but with this lax law, they've effectively outlawed every website or image/video where the pornography and act is a tad more creative than missionary.

Note the bit about "threatening someone's life":

Whipping. - check. obviously, could mess up your joints that.
vampirism - check. draining blood is baaaad, mmkay.
bondage - uh huh. staying in one position can't be good for the arteries, can it?
spanking - well, spank in one place for a few times and you could cause a blood clot.

I may sound daft, but the non-specifics of the law is the problem. Where is the line drawn?
Ultimately, the thing that has seemingly gone out the window is the issue of consensuality.
Even stranger, you're pretty much allowed to do what you want with the Mrs/Mr, but you can't document it. Acted scenes are disallowed because of what they represent.

The consideration clause for BBFC rated films is laughable. The kind of nutcase they're trying to protect us from could easily, and legally, buy Hostel, Devils Rejects etc. a nd just watch the more unpleasant scenes to get his kicks. If he doesn't extract those scenes to his PC, he's fine. He still gets his evil jollies and may still do something horrific. It doesn't solve the problem. It just crimilises millions overnight.

Your art books, photography hardbacks, MY BLOODY COMIC BOOKS!! They're not rated in the UK, are they? They're straight from USA. My copies of Dogwitch or Empowered could cause me a problem regardless of wether I get my kicks from them or not as they're quite suggestive. And don't get me started on my metal collection. Thank goodness I'm not a Dimmu Borgir or Cannibal Corpse fan...

I don't want to know what you do. Enjoy it, just keep it to yourself. And yes, if you want the necessary inspiration made by folk who wanted to and enjoyed it, then you should. No, I don't understand why you want to be strung by your balls and had wax smothered on your nipples. Then again, I don't understand why you want to wear that Charlton Athletic shirt. It's your life, in your bedroom. Keep actual kids, animals and dead folk away and crack on.

Don't even get me started on the "protecting women" cobblers. We all know that women have the filthier minds and inclinations and men just want a quickie at half time.

It's part of the act now, but apparently doesn't kick in until January 2009. If you feel the law's a bit crap or feel anything you take an interest in makes you a criminal because of it, visit the site, speard the word, sign the petitions etc, because it could still be yanked out.

One things for certain, this does ensure I will NEVER vote Labour...

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