Sunday, 25 May 2008

You won't see that on the tellybox! - Frank goes to the Zoo

It's fair to say that I rarely see anything in films or on TV that surprise me. It may be a great story well written, but it is unlikely it will contain anything that truly makes me go "woah, nellie". Doctor Who could, but never does. Perhaps when Steven Moffat takes over as chief bloke it may, but that's in another couple of years.

I leave the surprises and shocks to the comic books. Even after the best part of 15 years serious reading, I still come across events that may or may not be intrinsic to the plot, but leave me utterly dumbfounded. I thought I'd share them with you. Viewers of a nervous disposition...probably shouldn't be reading this blog in the first place. You've got other things to worry about, I'm sure.

The Punisher likes his guns. He likes using his guns. A lot. Driven insane by the murder of his family, Frank Castle chooses to spend his friday and saturday nights blasting holes in any serious lawbreaker he can. And if he hasn't got a gun, he'll be using something else, especially if it's one of nature's natural killing machines. Have you ever felt threatened by some oik with a Staffy outside Woolies? No need, they're both pussies. There's far more hardcore out there as Marvel's Second Punisher volume #4 showed back in 2000.

On the run from Ma Gnucci's 'orrible lot, Frank sidesteps into the local Zoo and heads straight for the fishies. Piranah are fishies, and to be fair the following isn't the first time these toothy bastards get a hefty free meal:

Let's face it, Joe Dante got there first.

Still, piranhas and a subsequent man-sized boa are small fry, it's the polar bears you've got to worry about. What's that, you say? They kill for fun, of course they're a danger! Well, yes, you'd be right, which is why you wouldn't see this coming:

And, frankly, neither did the polar bear.

Still, here are some nice mobsters saying hello.

What's that, Mr Bear, you don't take kindly to being punched?

Frank has since attempted to replace the deceased Steve Rogers as Captain America.
America! Fuck, yeah!

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